Jacking in your job

To cut costs, a managing director is forced to sack an employee. After much thought, he narrows the choice down to two young members off the office: Jack and Jill. As the pair have near identical performance records, he cannot decide who should go. So, after hours of deliberation, he comes up with an idea: the first person to go to the water cooler on Monday morning gets axed.
Monday arrives and Jill walks in with a monstrous hangover. After a few minutes, she approaches the water cooler. The MD walks over, "Jill, I'm so sorry," he says. "But due to circumstances beyond my control, I've got to lay you or Jack off…"
"OK," replies Polly. "Could you jack off then? I've got a bloody awful headache this morning…"